I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General!

"Wobbles the Mind" (wobblesthemind)
10/21/2017 at 07:51 • Filed to: Gilbert and Sullivan

Once upon a time, in the year 2011, one of my practice room party tricks in college was busting out “Major-General” while playing the xylo part. It occurred to me that Oppo may not be familiar with this O.G. badassery straight out of the haberdashery. Prepare your brains for... razzle-dazzle! *clears throat and schedule*

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I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
About binomial theorem I’m teeming with a lot o’ news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

All:
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotepotenuse.

General:
I’m very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

All:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

General:
I know our mythic history, King Arthur’s and Sir Caradoc’s;
I answer hard acrostics, I’ve a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;

I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I’ve heard the music’s din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.

All:
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.

General:
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you ev’ry detail of Caractacus’s uniform:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

All:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

General:
In fact, when I know what is meant by “mamelon” and “ravelin”,
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I’m more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by “commissariat”,
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery—
In short, when I’ve a smattering of elemental strategy,
You’ll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.

All:
You’ll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.
You’ll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.
You’ll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.

General:
For my military knowledge, though I’m plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

All:
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
He is the very model of a modern Major-General.

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“You’ll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.” That line is out of 1879 and was as gangsta then as it is now. Rap God!

DISCUSSION (5)

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Wobbles the Mind
10/21/2017 at 09:28

Saw PoP at a dinner theater with friends while visiting the DC area several years back. It was an excellent production

CaptDale - is secretly British > Wobbles the Mind
10/21/2017 at 11:25

I am not a fan of patter. It is impressive, but just not my thing.

ttyymmnn > Wobbles the Mind
10/21/2017 at 13:52

O.G. badassery straight out of the haberdashery.

That was good.

ttyymmnn > Wobbles the Mind
10/21/2017 at 13:58

Wobbles the Mind > ttyymmnn
10/21/2017 at 20:39

Lol, I love this stuff! Ages just like wine. Now I’m going to be saying, “Whadayatalk?!” for the next few weeks. I need to work in an unabridged dictionaries joke into one of my next posts.